absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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