It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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