When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
