I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
