Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
