You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize