I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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