is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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