can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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