They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Life is so much better after having sex.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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