Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
