Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize