We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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