so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
