____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
