I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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