Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
