I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
