i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
