I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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