Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize