but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
