If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
