she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
