hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize