Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
