Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
