you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
