I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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