So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
