goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
