i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
