My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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