That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
