i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I won the penis lottery.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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