i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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