He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
