Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
