Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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