did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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