I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
