you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
