woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
