mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize