hotel room ftw
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
