Princesses don't give blow jobs
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Congratulations! We have a period
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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