i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
