My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
