Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
