so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
