she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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