you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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