people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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