I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
