nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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