I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize