Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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