Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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