So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
