so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sorry my hands just texted you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
