My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
