you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
