i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
