Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
