I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
