i already hear my dad disowning me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
