I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
