this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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