I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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