i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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