Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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