she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize