Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
