So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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