I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
