i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
