Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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