I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
