he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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