dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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