the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
