I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize