Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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