Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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