dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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