I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
