Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
