Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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