Plan B is the new Plan A
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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