Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
