He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love having hate sex.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
