Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
40s are totally the cure
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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