I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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