watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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