i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My dick has a subreddit
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
