wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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