weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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