He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize