we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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